As a parent, have you ever been frustrated with your child because he/she will not behave like you would like them to? You are suddenly in a position when you feel powerless and do not know what to do next. I am here to provide you with some information to help you understand why your child is not behaving.
1. You are not following through with consequences.
If your child is not behaving, the absolute bottom line is that there are consequences that the child has to face for the misbehavior. The rules shall be clearly stated, no matter what age of the child! If the rules are CLEARLY understood then you have done the first part of your job in getting your child to behave. The consequences also need to be CLEARLY understood. Lastly, you have got to follow through with the consequences. There is no room for leniency when giving consequences. If you fail to follow through with consequences then you are teaching your child to walk all over and that it is okay to do so. Your child learns (from you) that you are not serious, that they cannot trust you, and that you are not providing them with the proper security that they need. Children thrive off of boundaries and if you break those boundaries for the child by failing to follow through with consequences, your child begins to lose trust in you. Follow through with consequences EVERY TIME and you will see a change in your child's behavior.
2. You make an assumption that your child knows you love them.
Never ever ever assume that your child automatically knows that they are loved by you. This is something that, as a parent, you need to consistently reinforce to the child. For some parents this is not a difficult job but for others it just does not come naturally. Of course you love your child but when was the last time you told them? You need to tell them you love them everyday and preferably several times a day. If this is difficult for you start with telling your child at night before they go to bed and attempt to increase the times of day that you tell your child you love them. Love is such a strong and necessary emotion for humans in general but especially for children. Love grows confidence, trust, security, and well behaved children. Show love in your actions as well. Your child wants nothing more than for you to pay attention to them. Listen to your child, take time out of your day to enjoy an activity with your child, sit down to dinner with your child, etc. All of these are great examples of showing your child that you love them and care about them enough to include them in your day.
3. You back down from your child.
No matter what, you are the authority figure to your child and this should never be compromised. I don't care how much yelling, screaming, kicking, yelling, etc. that your child wants to do, you are there to establish and follow through with the rules. This is not easy. As a matter of fact, nobody ever said parenting was easy. By establishing and following through with rules on a consistent basis you are, again, providing boundaries and security for your child. Your child should never get the upper hand because you have the upper hand as the parent. You are there to provide your child with discipline (a.k.a. trust). If you back down from disciplining your child, you will automatically lose trust and your child's behavior will spiral out of control.
When you step back and evaluate your parenting skills, what do you think? Do these three things apply to you? Do you have the capacity to change it? Of course you do and it is never too late to start!
Until next time,
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