Resisting Constant Temptation?

Today I was perusing my Facebook page and noticed a very interesting news article that my cousin posted on her page.  The article was about having friends with kids.  It was a Q & A type of article that a reader has sent in a question about why her stay-at-home mom friends never have any time for anything.  I was apalled at her questions and concerns with her friends that were mothers.  It was almost as if she were accusing them of lying about being so busy with their children.  Working in the early childhood field I just could not believe that somebody would question the amount of time spent with one's children.  After all, this is the number one most important job that we have in life--parenting!

The author of the column answered this question like a rockstar!  She threw the question right back in the girl's face, so to speak.  She rightfully explained what the role of a parent really is and put her accusation of her mom friends being liars to rest.  My favorite quote from the article was "It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense."  This could not explain the role of a great parent any better in my opinion.  As parents it is our job to put our short-term needs aside and respond to our children's short terms needs for the long term benefit of the child and the family as a whole unit.  I am not saying that parents should set their own personal needs aside for the greater benefit of everyone else but this is a large aspect of parenting.  You sacrifice your temptations, wants, desires, and impulses to enjoy something even greater with your children.  You sacrifice for an opportunity to watch your children grow, to mold your child's life the best that you possibly can, and to truly experience the joys of being responsible for the life of another person.  It truly is a joy and it is hard work but it is certainly worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears that you will experience.  I encourage anyone who does not understand being a parent not to jump to conclusions about what it takes to be a parent.  And for all people who are already parents, refer back to the quote above and LIVE through it for the sake of your precious family!

Parenting Through Temper Tantrums Successfully

At some point in time a parent is going to experience a temper tantrum with their child...unless you live in a fantasy world.  What is important for parents to understand is that temper tantrums are a very normal and expected part of childhood (and parenthood).  A parent's first step to dealing with temper tantrums is to recognize that it is normal for your child to be experiencing this tantrum or tantrums and that you should actually expect him/her to throw these tantrums from time to time.  If you can adjust yourself to thinking this way and to avoid thinking that there is something terribly wrong with your child then you are prepared to handle the remainder of the tantrum problems.

Next, the most important thing aside from feeding your child is to provide your child with some sort of structure or routine in daily life.  Children NEED routine and they THRIVE off of routine.  Children ask for boundaries and need them in their day to day life.  If a child does not have boundaries, routine, and structure he/she does not feel safe in his/her environment.  Therefore, if a child does not feel safe he/she tends to panic.  Think about how you feel, as an adult, if you do not feel safe.  You tend to panic too, don't you?  Well, I suggest that you empathize with your child and learn how he/she feels when there is no order in their life.  Many parents struggle with the concept of a routine but it is important to understand that you own this routine and it fits into your life, not into anyone else's.  When a child knows what to expect on a daily basis, temper tantrums decrease DRAMATICALLY!  

If you can get these first two steps that I have discussed down to an art you are doing pretty good so far!  If you have the mindset that tantrums are normal and you have a daily routine and structure established for your child you have already prevented or reduced your child's tantrums significantly.  I bet you didn't think it was this easy, did you?  Preventing and reducing tantrums is not hard.  Parenting is not hard.  We do not need to make it hard.  We simply need to be prepared and structured ourselves in order to be successful at this job we call parenting.  Now, you may ask what do I do next if my child is still throwing tantrums?  Well, I have another step for you!  If you've ever remembered a piece of parenting advice before, please remember this:  THE BEHAVIOR THAT GETS THE MOST ATTENTION WILL BE REPEATED!  This is by far the most important thing to remember about children and probably the most important thing to remember about human behavior in general.  If when your child throws a tantrum, you become angry, upset, yell at the child, and throw a fit yourself, well then the child has gotten exactly what they want: ATTENTION.  Children love attention and will get it anyway they know how to.  I've had parents ask me why a child will want negative attention.  Well, as a parent, try to think of times that you give your child positive attention.  It tends to be easier to show negative attention than positive attention and children will take either if they are lacking in one.  So, praise your child for simple tasks.  Let them see you be joyful over their good behaviors.  After all, the behavior that gets the most attention will be repeated.  If you do not want tantrums and poor behavior repeated then do not pay attention to this.  The only exception I have for this is if they are putting themselves or someone else in physical danger.  If you want good behavior to be repeated, pay attention to this.

Children follow their parents' lead and we often times forget that.  We are teaching and guiding our children on a daily basis and they learn their behaviors from us.  They may interpret them differently than we mean for them to be interpreted sometimes but that is why we are called individuals.  Appreciate your child's individuality and look at your child as a positively forming individual.  Be positive yourself.  Say good things, give compliments, avoid the use of the words no, not, can't, won't, don't, etc.  We will pass this on to our children.  My final and most important piece of advice for preventing tantrums is to show your child love and affection.  Children thrive off of this and if they do not receive it they suffer.  The suffering may not show immediately but you will notice it eventually.  Hug them, kiss them, praise them, and love them.  After all, they are a part of you! 

How to Spend Time with Your Children

This seems like a silly title to some but this has increasingly become an issue with parents in today's society.  Parents simply are not spending enough time with their children so it is time that we get back to basics.  I recently helped coordinate a group event for the families that we serve at work and I was just enlightened (yet again) about the importance of taking time to spend with your children.  Children thrive off of our attention and we are essentially their tour guides through life so it is very important to spend a lot of time with them.  If you need to, consider it an investment!  The following are some great ways to spend some time with your children and I certainly encourage you to share some ways that you find to be enjoyable to spend time with your children.

1.  If you live in a warm climate or it is summertime, take your kids to the local swimming pool.  Kids LOVE to swim so they will love you forever if you take them swimming!  The event that we just held at work was a pool party and it was such a fantastic opportunity for parents to spend some quality time with their kids.  Not to mention, swimming is kind of fun for adults too! 

2.  Take your child to a movie.  There are always new and fun kids movies out in the theaters.  I find that parents are not taking their kids to see movies in theaters like they used to.  This will certainly show your child that you have time for them and you care enough to take time out of your busy schedule to see a move with them.  I guarantee they will talk about this experience all week!  Often times, you will even find theaters in your local area that will show kids movies for free sometimes.  Check it out!

3.  Take your child to a pet store.  Maybe you have a pet of your own or maybe you don't but either way, kids love animals!  They will really enjoy gettting the chance to look at different animals and maybe they will even get to cuddle the furry ones. 

4.  If you have older children (teenagers) it can get tricky to think of ways to spend time with them.  Recently, I was watching a show on television about strict parents and I got a great idea for spending time with teenagers.  First, take some time to talk to them and find out what they want to do for a living "when they grow up".  Try to make arrangements to take them somewhere to tour a place in the field that they are interested in working in.  As I was watching this particular show, this father took a boy to a fire station to tour it and talk with some of the workers there.  You will be surprised at how open some businesses and establishments are to letting your child come in and gain some information about their potential career field.  One thing this boy said on this television show that really caught my attention was "I can't believe he took his whole day out to take me here".  I was almost in tears because spending this kind of time with children should not be a surprise but rather a regularity their lives. 

5.  Have a slumber party!  Rent some movies for home, get some food, throw on your PJs, find some fun activities, and you have yourselves a super fun slumber party!  Kids will love this because it is not a regular part of their routine.  Not to mention, you are showing them that you have a fun side.  They will really enjoy this kind of experience with you. 

6.  Read a book together.  Children LOVE books!  Take advantage of this opportunity to snuggle with your child and teach them something too.

7.  Play games.  Games are great for all ages!

This is certainly not a comprehensive list of activities to do with your children but it is a great start.  First, take the time to realize the importance of spending time with you children and then take the time and willingness to follow through.  Watch your relationship grow with your child.  It is amazing!  What kinds of things do you like to do with your children?  I'd love your ideas!

Good Mommy vs. Bad Mommy

I really wanted to share a couple of scenarios that I ran across recently.  I had some very specific thoughts about each scenario that I witnessed and wanted to see what others thought about it.  They are as follows:

Scenario #1:

My significant other and I were at a wedding recently.  It was a very beautiful wedding and we had an awesome time!  We were standing outside socializing with some people at the reception when I noticed a crying child.  Throughout my time at this wedding reception I instinctively kept paying attention to this crying child.  Her mother was there with her boyfriend and they were both in the vicinity of the child.  I quickly realized why the little girl was crying.  Her mother was ignoring her.  Throughout our time at the reception we discovered that the little girl was only 19 months old.  The family had traveled 5 hours to come to this wedding so mom felt like drinking a few beers.  Well, it turned out that she had a few too many because she got to the point that she was failing to pay attention to her 19 month old child.  The mom kept directing the child to the dance floor and telling her to dance.  The boyfriend kept having to be the one to comfort the child when she was trying to get back to her mother.  At one point, mom looked at us and said "she just won't leave me alone!"  I was instantly sickened!  My instant thought was "she is your child and she is not supposed to want to leave you alone!"  I was disgusted and could not believe the comments and behavior from the mother.  The family ended up leaving within about an hour of me noticing all of this going on. 

Scenario #2

Again, my significant other and I were at another social outing.  It was a similar setting to the wedding reception as there was food, music, and alcoholic beverages available.  We, again, were standing around socializing and we noticed a little girl that was about 12-15 months old walking around.  Right behind her we noticed her mother chasing her around.  This little girl was obviously very new to walking so she was excited to be in an open and new exciting area!  I observed the little girl and her mother for probably about 45 minutes or so.  The mother very easily could have joined her friends and been drinking but she made a choice not to do that.  She was following her little girl around making sure she was safe and encouraging her to observe her environment and her newfound skill of walking.  I instantly was so impressed with this mother that she was taking the time out to have a precious opportunity with her daughter and did not look at her as an inconvenience. 

So, what do you think about these two scenarios?  I think there is quite a difference and these differences are very obvious.  It goes to show that our experiences are based on our choices and our perceptions of our daily situations.  Now, as parents, our choices and perceptions affect our children's daily situations.  It is vitally important to remember this because you are CONSTANTLY shaping the lives of your children.  It does not matter where you are, who you are around, or what temptations you are facing.  Your child should always be your primary choice and your priority.  Are you a "good mommy" or a "bad mommy"?  You have the power to choose!

Why Should You Take Prenatal Vitamins?

Ok, so I was perusing the internet today as I always do and decided to Google something about the importance of prenatal vitamins.  I personally will not reveal whether I take them or not but I do have an interesting opinion about the topic. 

Even before a woman conceives a child she is encouraged to take prenatal vitamins to enhance the health of the baby.  This sounds really great and it has almost come to the point of sounding pushy.  Is it a requirement for women to take prenatal vitamins or is it a woman's choice?  Well, you be the judge. 

Why are we told to take prenatal vitamins?  Well, your baby could end up with spina bifida or other serious birth defects.  Scary, huh?  Exactly.  I feel like this society has become so anxiety driven that we have difficulty making up our mind about things like taking prenatal vitamins!  If you really look into it the overall nutrition and health of the mother is what really matters, not whether you pop a pill down your throat everyday.  It is true that as mothers we are responsible for the health and well being of our unborn (and born) children.  This should be all the more reason not to stress out and give into the anxiety driven ways of society.  If you personally feel like your diet is nutritionally adequate to provide for you and your unborn baby then prenatal vitamins are not for you.  Some women, however, lack certain nutrients in their diet and should consider taking a supplement. 

My point is that becoming neurotic about taking prenatal vitamins and worrying yourself sick about what MIGHT happen if you don't take them is ridiculous.  Women should not be scared, stressed out, or worried while pregnant at all!  I certainly do not think that they should fear being inadequate for their child before the child even enters the world.  My advice--do your best to make individual decisions for the sake of your health and well being and do not give into the neurotic and anxiety driven ways of our society. 

Until next time,

How to Prepare for a New Baby on a Budget

Many expecting parents find themselves on a tight budget without a baby so they may wonder how they are going to afford to prepare for a new baby.  There are many great and inexpensive ways to prepare for a baby without having to skimp on the cute and fancy stuff!  I have spend a very minimal amount of money (less than $500) preparing for my little one and I would like to share with how I have done so!

1.  Shop at garage sales!  I cannot stress this enough.  Garage sales have some GREAT items if you hit up the right neighborhoods.  Almost every garage sale I have stopped by has at least some baby items and others have almost every baby item under the sun.  Be particular about the garage sales you go to because some will charge more than stores for used items and others simply are not selling quality baby items.  I guarantee that you will find garage sales that have next to new items for next to nothing in price! 

2.  Accept anything that anybody wants to give you as a hand-me-down.  You can always choose what you want to keep and what you want to give away later.  It is best to have more than you need than to turn somebody down with baby items and have to buy those things later on.  You will find that many baby items are not used for very long and it is simply a waste of money to buy some things new.  Even as a first time parent it is important to understand the value of a dollar when buying your baby items. 

3.  Don't waste your money on name brand clothing for your baby.  Babies grow so fast and will literally only wear each outfit about three times before they outgrow it.  It is pretty depressing when you spend $20 on a super duper cute outfit and the baby only wears it a couple of times.  You certainly can find used name brand clothing (that is cute) if you hit up the right garage sales or second hand stores. 

4.  Have a baby shower!!  People are dying to buy you some new stuff for that precious little bundle of joy so let them!  Ask a friend to throw a shower for you and enjoy all the kind gestures and gifts that people would like to shower you with. 

These are just a few tips about how to prepare for a baby on a budget.  Second hand is the way to go!  It will make your pocket book much larger, make you feel more financially secure (especially during that precious maternity leave time), and may even allow you to take more time for maternity leave because you have more money in your bank account.  Your baby will certainly not be deprived but your bank account may feel that way due to not having to use it as much :)

Until next time,

euphonious flavoured crisps, with real euphonious pieces

How to Deal with Negative Advice

I was talking with a family today (a mother and a father) about the types of advice that people want to give out to parents.  We collectively agreed that most people want to hand out negative words of wisdom for parents and parents-to-be.  I, as a parent-to-be, find that people are constantly telling me how awful my pregnancy is going to get in the third trimester and more specifically the last 7 weeks that I have left to be pregnant.  I choose to deal with this by smiling and saying "not every pregnancy is the same, but thanks for the advice". The mother and father that I was visiting with finds this same issue with parenting their two children.  They find that people always tell them "just you wait..." and end with some kind of negative remark or anecdote.  They also choose to stay humble and say "not all kids end up the same".  Here are some ways to deal with this overwhelming negative advice that is projected toward you.

1.  Remain positive and practice positive self-talk.

This is a great way to achieve the inner strength that you need to deal with negative attitudes.  Positive self-talk is also a great way to enhance your parenting.  This practice helps to achieve the confidence necessary to deal with the challenges and joys of parenting children.

2.  Smile and wave.

Ok, maybe not literally but kind of.  When somebody has negative advice to give, most of the time they are looking for some kind of reaction.  The exact reaction they are not looking for is a smile and a positive comment.  This will probably catch them off guard and, who knows, you may have just impacted their life with some positivity by shooting a smile in their direction!

3.  Do not include negative people in your life.

During my conversation today with this particular family, the father said that he experiences negative advice from a specific neighbor of theirs.  He said that every time she comes walking up to their house she has nothing but negative comments to bring.  Finally, he told her if she does not have anything nice to say not to say anything at all!  Ever since then she will not speak to him.  He was not mean to her but simply stated that he wanted positive conversation in his home.  Do not invite negative people in your life.  You have this choice and it is essential to only include positive people for the health and well being of your family. 

The sad truth is that many people in the world focus on negativity and want nothing more than to pass that along to others.  I find this to be especially true toward parents and parents-to-be.  Life is about choices and we certainly have the right to choose our attitude and not let this negativity fall upon us as parents.  This does not mean we have to lash back at these people with an angry attitude but rather smile and remain humble for the sake of our children and ourselves.  Your world consists of your thoughts and choices.  Do well by yourself and make these positive for a very happy and positive existence!

Until next time,